Hawaii 5-O: It’s never good when Chevy has to sponsor your show [Cancel Watch]

This week on Hawaii 5-O some former NSA bro got kidnapped because he had created this hacker joint that allowed you to hack all the joints. Bad news for America. The episode played out like the clichéd cop show that it is:

1. Crime (Kidnapping)
2. Investigation
3. Revelation – they find the big clue
4. Tracing a phone call
5. Hand to hand combat
6. Find the bad guys’ hideout
7. Firefight
8. Good guys win

I won’t get too deep into the details, but that’s mostly because I don’t remember much. Scott Caan had like one somewhat funny douche bag line again. Even these shit writers can’t hold him down forever. Also this was a pretty crazy revelation for me: Jin from LOST (no idea what his name is on this show, probably something native-ish) is a really bad actor. I’ve seen every episode of LOST ever, and I never noticed that Jin was this bad. There are multiple ways to explain this:

1. The LOST writers were so good they made everyone else look good
2. Because Jin didn’t speak English in LOST, it was easy for him to mask his lack of ability, because he basically just stood around squinting and fishing every season
3. The opposite of #1 – the Hawaii Five-O writers are so bad, they make even talented actors look poor

I don’t know which one is correct – maybe it’s a combination of all three. WTF do I know.

The second thing I noticed was that this episode was sponsored by the all new Chevrolet Cruise. You know a show fucking sucks when it has to get sponsored, and it especially sucks when it is sponsored by a crap domestic car company living on life support paid for via your taxes. This episode was sponsored by you. Nice investment, sucker. Good luck getting a return on that. The last thing of note was Justin Biebler’s retard cousin (playing the part of the kidnapped guy’s son) in this episode. I’m pretty sure Biebler was on CSI like last week, but Hawaii Five-O is so bootleg CBS can only get the stunt double. Either that or every kid looks like Justin Biebler these days. I don’t know, I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw a little kid.