Gossip Girl - Can I keep this baby?

Gossip Girl is back and, guess what, I still like it. The glitz and glamour of the Upper East Side will never cease to be interesting especially while Chuck still gets to utter lines like "We don’t need tickets, I’m Chuck Bass." Mark Zuckerberg would never say something like this, which is precisely why I will not be seeing the new Facebook movie.

What’s the point of being a boy billionaire if you don’t swag out a bit?

Anyways, the second episode was pretty good but there were some moments that confused the shit out of me:

Blair drinking Martinis on the streets outside The Hamilton Club – Let’s quickly run through all the things wrong with this picture. First, Blair is a college freshman and, as such, is way under the legal drinking age. Second, you cannot drink on the streets of New York City. I know this for a fact. I had a buddy who got caught drinking a beer on a sidewalk near Union Square and he spent the night in jail. Note: it probably did not help matters that he referred to his arresting officers as "oinkers." Third: sitting on concrete steps is not glamorous. Sitting on steps is only appropriate if you are getting your hair braided and I doubt Blair would ever agree to that.

Serena’s weird cape-gown from fashion night out – This was the worst I have seen Serena look in awhile. Yes, her boobs were out but her face looked weird and her hair seemed dirty. Who are the stylists for this show? Did you see what they did to Jenny Humphrey last year? My god, she was hard to look at. If the stylists give Serena the Jenny treatment, I am done. You hear me stylists? Done.

Dan trying to keep the baby that isn’t his – First of all, I have no babies (that I’m aware of) but am terrified by the thought of them. I’ve played out the following scenario in my head 1000 times:

Girl – I’m pregnant
Me – How is that possible? I didn’t even have an orgasm
Girl – It must be god’s way of telling you what a great father you’ll be
Me – God is a serious douche bag.
Girl – Don’t say that!
Me – Well can you at least get an abortion? I’ll pay for it.
Girl (horrified) – Absolutely not. We are raising this child together
Me – Sounds good
/Goes and jumps into a volcano

So yeah, not sure why Dan would want to keep that kid.